Oddly enough

A different ex boyfriend texted me out of the blue. Didn't know who it was at first, eventually he told me and then I turned into a dick, told him not to bother me and auto blocked his calls. No loss there.

I'm here in Ashland, KY with my mom and granny! So far so good, too. Hopefully we won't bicker anytime soon. My mom told me we're gonna dress like skanks and go to a bar tonight then go to a Shriners charity party for New Years. I'm down for it all. Not much to do out here.

I miss Houston. Mostly its convenience.

And my dad... Who hasn't been keeping track of his sugar or blood pressure. Ugh.

And my cats, dogs and bunny.

And my wonderful boyfriend. Atleast we talk every day. I would be so distraught otherwise. Sigh.

My granny just fried some bacon. Yummmz.

I'm really not cross-eyed. Not really sure where I was looking in this picture. <3

What would drive my brain to conjure up these dreams?

Because, like, why would one of my exes (who I really cared about & who treated me like trash) just pop up in one of them? It was a typical circumstance... Just really unexpected. Could just be the same time of year that shit hit the fan that's to blame. Regardless, I hope he's happy. In the dream he approached me, said hello, asked how I was doing and the whole time I wished he hadn't've seen me. Cut the convos short, question answer no reciprocation, and FLED. Is that mean? Who cares, its not real but what if it were to happen.. I would only hope it goes that well. Hahaha. It's just weird considering I was sleeping at Charles's for the first time when I dreamt this.

Happy 24th Birthday to me! Received 24 texts from my best friend while I watched porn on my phone. Had to turn off my text notifications so I could still hear the audio... Du sex.

Anyway... I'm flying to Kentucky tomorrow (Friday). Layover in Detroit. That's a first. I'll be there for 3 weeks visiting family but mostly my mom. I miss her muchly. It's been almost 2 years since I seen her. Crazy.

Restarting my dietary supplement regiment when I get there. Total detox as I will be ganjless. Oh well. It's about time anyway. My will power is shite. It's back to working out also. I'll try.

Hope you have safe and wonderful time this season. Love&peace, ya'll.

Weird.

It's annoying how much my mind wanders. I'm not trying to think about who this guy is with now... If he has some girl living with him... Blahblahblah, especially when none of it matters because we are both allowed to move on. I have moved on, which is ironic, and he didn't have to. I wanted a relationship with sex & he just wanted sex. I have what I wanted. I would just be angry if he has the same thing... now.

Doubt it.

:)

But... I am happy. I have great people in my life and a fabulous man, who I feel so privileged to have met that I have decided fate must be real.

Glad things are the way they are. 

I sound so smart.

But I do some pretty dumb shit... But I take some things into account before I perform said actions.

I love my boyfriend. He really is wonderful... So much more wonderful than I probably deserve but I am grateful and feeling, I hate saying the word I'm about to say, blessed. He makes me happy without even really DOING anything and he relishes my joy. I'm kind of getting misty eyed with happy tears just mentioning it. There is most definitely happiness behind it... But I have to admit I'm guilty of being slightly afraid. Not of commitment but more or less because of the future. It might be a pain in the ass to introduce a black man to my family but NOT because of me... But because of them. Charles is amazing and EVERYONE WILL LIKE HIM. Because its too fucking easy to like him :)

He and I take terrible pictures together. We went and saw Ghostland Observatory perform on Thursday night and my camera sucks and he looked high in every picture. Ohwell.

Anyways... My dad had open heart surgery about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I make all of his meals or prepare them. He's very spoiled now and very used to it. I went clubbing last night and he called me around 1:30am as I was coming home.

"Where are you? Ehhh, You're supposed to be taking care of me!"

"I do take care of you. I'm coming home. What do you need right now at 2am?" *click*

And he hangs up on me!

Sigh. I don't know.

Morality

What is good? What is universally good?

Sex can be good. It is not universally understood as a good. It is a sometimes vigorous physical activity that can be healthy if precautions are taken. Orgasms feel good. They feel awesome.

Smoking weed is DELICIOUS. It's unhealthy though. Therefore it is not as good as sex. It is natural. Nature is good but not all things in nature are.

It's so contradictory to classify or analyze objects and subjects. Sometimes I think descriptions are all lies because they are all different... I despise honesty, but only when I'm being dishonest. Because if we were all honest we would all understand, that is, if things were more universally accepted and agreed upon.

All conflicts are results of politics. Policies are decisions based on opinions of a "majority" where boundaries of what is right and what is wrong are blurred, askew, temporarily overlooked. How can rules exist and be fairly enforced if there have to be exceptions? Exceptions... Circumstances... These lead to change but how can you define something that is changing... Without creating a new word, label, expression, or some bullshit.

What I do... Does not change who I am. What I do... Is what I am. What you know about what I do only alters your perception of me. If I am known and accepted, I am good.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Hello, 2011.

Here is my new post for the new year.

I'm an official graduate. Right now, this past month, and this next month up until February 22 at 3pm I'm supposed to be studying to take the GRE exam. I've never been good at studying.I lack the discipline to sit down and do it and the idea of doing it.. and even thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. I really wish it wasn't over already, my undergraduate career. I miss school. I miss a routine. I haven't gotten a single response to the probably around 50 places I've applied. I need money. Life generally blows at the moment.

I have decided to abstain from sex this year. And honestly... I could get really sappy as far as my reasoning and if I were to explain it I would feel the need to keep it vague anyhow. The sad happiness is still filling me and I'm accepting the way things are. Contenting myself because I don't want anything less than what I have and I certainly don't want to ruin any possibility by trying to find what I don't think I could find anywhere else.If that makes any sense. Everything as it is makes me happy. Despite longing a little something more, I choose not to disturb what is settled.

I've been trying to walk for about an hour each day. I don't do this EVERY single day but I do it most of the time. I didn't a few times due to rain and not feeling well. I muddied up my shoes something fierce earlier today (technically yesterday) at Bear Creek.

I took Shelby and Sparky instead of Fabio. They dawdled and I ended up walking at a pretty slow pace as I expected. There are always creeps at the park. People who just drive around in circles. People who drive and park in one spot then drive and park at another spot. I turned onto a culdesac and parked... and then some stupid ass asian guy pulled into it and parked also. Dude was fucking serious. So I left and found someplace else. I was annoyed. Sparky barked at a tree branch across the creek that had plastic pieces streaming in the wind on it. They both led me to random piles of foreign animal shit that I had to drag them away from.

I ended up eating two helpings of pasta my dad made. I had to walk again so I took Fabio to the track at Leider. We did five laps and then walked a few blocks in the hood. Fab is such a good dog. I wanna take him out more. Take his ass camping and to the beach. I took him to Bear Creek Tuesday or Wednesday and we walked for like... 2 hours... it was exhausting. I had never been on the Bear Creek nature trails either.

I'm excited for summer. The weather has been pretty beautiful these passed few days. Not too hot and not too cold. Pretty fabulous. I can't wait to outdoor tan. Unfortunately it's Mexico on both sides of our house. Our neighbors to the left have garage sales every other weekend. It's hella annoying. I see the neighbors on the right pretty frequently whenever I'm driving around, walking around, or grocery shopping. If I didn't dislike them so much for no fucking reason other than living next door I might say hi to them and not be such a bitch. But...

I'm a bitch.

Thursday I went walking in Hermann Park at night. It was really nice. Felt awesome outside.

My aunt Farideh sent us a box full of pistachios and these fruit roll up things. Fucking delicious. I love it all. She sent it in December, I think. Before Xmas. It took forever to reach us.

I need to make it a goal to read more often.

I've been watching more movies. They make me happy. It's been a long time since I would sit down and watch a movie in its entirety. I'd like to do similar with books. Sit down and read, actually become interested, and finish the thing.

Money really does make the world go round. I want to get lost in space. I want to draw and paint. I want to lose weight. =]

Life is wild.