Yikes. Haha.

Hello, new world of 2022. It's been 9 years since my last post, it seems. It seems because I'm a little stoned. I also felt like expressing myself and here I am... I wanted to share how happy and grateful I am. I've done this before, as you can see below or if you recall.. hello, imaginary audience. Internet Gods sounds better. 

I'm in a new situation!! The latest addition to my love history. We don't call each other names. We may think about it. Maybe even imagine choking the other person, but we don't do those things in real life. Instead, we discuss how we're feeling. We remind each other how grateful we are to have one another... and how much we appreciate being able to TALK and be honest without reacting emotionally or punitively... especially because we prefer to be civil than to have a full blown nuclear meltdown. We know, no matter what, we wouldn't want anything else than us. And we respect each other so much that there's no need to punish one another for being human. This is the best love I've ever felt given and received. It's taken me a few relationships between 2013 til now to be in this healthiER place.----while you'd agree this is wonderful (I hope you do!), it by no means we are perfect people. And because we are imperfect, I find peace in it by not sharing our not-good traits with others. So here is where I reinforce the wall. I thank you for your understanding. 

So I'm stoned watching a documentary about Madeleine McCann on Netflix, named  The Disappearance of Madeleine McCann. I'm telling my feller that we are so fucked as a society. And if we ever do find ourselves with a kid, let's hope they are too ugly to be snatched. And let's also hope we love them so much and be too poor making sure baby's fed that we'd never travel to a foreign country, leave baby in an apartment on sleeping meds while we having a fiesta with friends. This investigation goes in many directions. Its worth watching. Even watching in the background bc its so back and forth. 

The current state of affairs are fuct. That's the bottom line. Humans are not all humane. We are in the upside down. Figuratively. 

I will end things here. Thanks for giving a fuck. 

DESTROY 2013

We broke up. NYE was explosive. Fuck it all.

Goodbye, 2013!

2013 has been a pretty fucking dope ass year.

In July my love and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary. This is a big thing for me since none of my previous relationships made it passed the 6 month mark. He drives me absolutely mad with rage at times and I piss him off and get called a "cunt" on a semi-regular basis. I'm very aware of my quickness to bitch mode and I've noticed lately that I instigate arguments when he does something I don't like. In a way it all works out for the betterment of our relationship, I think. I mean, I wouldn't say its unhealthy. But either way, the good always outweighs the bad times.

He bought me my first dSLR camera and I'm super excited to use it.

Let's see... I feel much closer to my friends as of late. Close enough to want to get as far away as possible, ha. I think I like to keep everyone at a comfortable distance. I don't need to spend as much time as I possibly can with them to know that they will be there for me when I need them, you know? I love privacy and secrets no one knows.

Work is frustrating but it's steady. I've made some mistakes that made me feel a little low and that my job performance was lacking but I'm trying to pick back up. My tolerance for people hasn't changed much and having to rely on people I work with doesn't help that at all. Like... I'm supposed to take direction from you - will you please make up your fucking mind? Because telling me to do something, then telling me to cancel that something, then re-do, then cancel.. does nothing but make me look like a retard. I only hope that what I do is a reflection of the person I am working on behalf of. You dick. I hate looking stupid. You're stupid! Because you need someone else to do your fucking work!

12/22 will be my 26th birthday. I hate getting old. I'm realizing how much I took my childhood for granted and how little fun I had when I was a teenager. My priorities have certainly changed and I wish I could have had the hindsight I do now to understand that the things I worried about so much back then don't even fucking matter. I blame my peers and myself. Everyone tried so hard in high school to be better than others - socially, physically, intellectually - but tell me, what did you achieve? I can't say I achieved much but I didn't excel back then either or even try that hard. My self-esteem was a major hindrance to my personal growth back then. I'm grateful now for the wisdom I've gained through my independence. Blah, blah, blah.

I'm not religious but I certainly consider myself to be spiritual. To me, God is the goodness we experience in the world. God is something you can't define. That's divinity.

I feel blessed with goodness.

Merry Christmas.
Happy Hanukkah.
Joyous Kwanza.
Happy Holidays.

Right now I wish I had never started dating or getting into relationships just so I can go back to feeling comfortable with being alone.

Because I didn't know any better.

Damn it, man!

It wouldn't be the first time I've felt different, is all I'm saying. I expect to be misjudged just as others expect me to misjudge. We are all prejudiced. It takes exposure to change, otherwise you stay ignorant.

As for possible offspring who will have to face similar, maybe worse, prejudice than me or my counterpart, if they are strong they will survive. Face reality and get over it or dwell on it and remain stagnant if not expired. Hopefully, you get over it.

Find your happiness and let no one take it from you. Be optimistic; know that shit could be worse. Be grateful; that shit is not as bad as it could be..

Annoyed

My job is ridiculous. The clients are idiots... The staff aren't much further.

It's cold outside.

I'm hungry.

I wish I was at home, snuggled in bed watching TV.

On a lighter note, it's my mom's birthday! Happy Birthday, mom!

My dad finally bought me a new car, also! I'm over-joyed.

I'm retaking Chemistry2 and it is still difficult.. but I'm going to muster my way through it and try to make at least a B, otherwise, I'll have to take it a third time. Right now I need to catch up on my homework.

Back to my car... HIS name is Champagne Supernova and Cassanova.

Oddly enough

A different ex boyfriend texted me out of the blue. Didn't know who it was at first, eventually he told me and then I turned into a dick, told him not to bother me and auto blocked his calls. No loss there.

I'm here in Ashland, KY with my mom and granny! So far so good, too. Hopefully we won't bicker anytime soon. My mom told me we're gonna dress like skanks and go to a bar tonight then go to a Shriners charity party for New Years. I'm down for it all. Not much to do out here.

I miss Houston. Mostly its convenience.

And my dad... Who hasn't been keeping track of his sugar or blood pressure. Ugh.

And my cats, dogs and bunny.

And my wonderful boyfriend. Atleast we talk every day. I would be so distraught otherwise. Sigh.

My granny just fried some bacon. Yummmz.

I'm really not cross-eyed. Not really sure where I was looking in this picture. <3