Addict

It’s irritating when you notice the kind of people you remember from high school being in college.

This is my experience…

This somewhat.. perspiring… kid sits next to me in the library at a computer. Mumbles and says things to himself, audible to anyone around him, like something from a video game; like he’s a dying character. He has bangs that shoot forward out of his head, grouped in a manner which appears as though designed that way due to oil buildup. Fucking repulsive.

That’s all.

I really don’t notice many people in their pajamas either. Relief.

I’m still sick but I wish it’ll be over soon.

We learn in life that it’s NATURE to be close with others. Close to one in particular, you get married and have children. I’m not sure how to ree-uh-lize myself and how I feel. I know I care about people. I know I care more for certain people. And I know I care about one person at a particular time in a particular way, apart from everyone else. But does this mean anything? Except that I’d fuck this person? Lol.

There are people who I don’t care about hurting and those where I do and so I don’t fashion a situation where I would be responsible for harming them. Both of those, however, comprise the general population of those I care about. Fucked up no?

I think I am in love with someone when I know I don’t want that person to ever experience emotional (and, I guess, physical) pain, especially by me. I obligate myself (suppress my “selfish” desires) for the sake of their safety, which ultimately, is something I am concerned with. I strive for their permanent presence in my life because it is them who makes me happy. It’s not giving and expecting nothing in return. It’s giving and observing positive enhancements to that person. Feeling responsible for their growth and taking pride in them. You make them better to make yourself better. -- These are things I experience, so in other words... are happening and increasing my "awareness" (fingers in the air quotations) --

But all of this are just things I "know". Not anything I’ve sought out to prove are true just to make myself feel better or right. I may not know FOR SURE. But I’m confident in this belief. I’m hopeful for what I would like to happen but also content if it does not.

It’s a happy sadness/sad happiness but with NO emphasis of sadness/sad. But like a…. “oh, well!”

Fuckin' Onions

My eyes were BURNING earlier. Doesn't happen very often when I slice onions. I think my sinuses are getting fucked up. I hate when it happens. I got home at 4am this morning and the house smelled like smoke... that's, surely, what started it. I began sniffling a lot. *sigh* So now I'm making chicken soup.

Yesterday was pretty nice. Went to the Galleria to pay a bill and Jesse met me up there and we ate. Then we tried to fly my kite, but no wind. Went to the fountain, saw some homecoming whores.

Hung out with him and his cousin, trying to get into bars and we eventually ended up at Numbers.

My skin is getting super sensitive so I'm going to try to use lotion more often.
Got dizzy smoking hookah today.
Slept mucho.

Uhhhhh...


Texans won! Yay!
Cougars game this weekend!
I've been working out at the gym at school. I wish I would have sooner. It's NICE.

K, that's it.

Non-holy Matrimony

Eventful weekend, this past one. Rehearsal dinner for Lauren's wedding on Friday, the real deal on Saturday, and a trip to school on Sunday. The former 2 events being the most exciting. I'll be honest though, parties really are not my cup of tea no matter what the occasion. It wasn't about me, however. And although Lauren made me feel super guilty, I'm not sorry. =) Congratulations Lauren & Caleb! I didn't think I would cry but I did and neither of you saw. Kindofawaste but I promise they were legit tears of joy. No religion in the ceremony, and I respect that a great deal.

This week... I hope it goes by quickly. I have an assignment due tomorrow, 2 projects due Thursday, and just a whole bunch of more shit I would RATHER be doing that I will try to fit in so as to retain my sanity and sense of self.

Will visited me last night to print out notes for class. He commented on Fabio's obesity. He is no longer welcome at my house. =] JK.

Uhm.. he also said I should have a party. I'm thinking yes. Not sure when, not sure what but I'll think about it and letcha know.

Lauren's bachelorette party, ATX!

I got to drive Lauren's car to Austin. That may be one of my favorite parts of the trip. =] Spending time with her and the girls was numero uno, though. I'm really excited for Caleb & Lauren. Congrats guys! I always enjoy spending time with youz and I hope you both enjoyed your last weekend of technical 'single'-ness. Love ya. 

To sum up the trip... I drove Ford Freestyle with Lindsey riding shotgun to ATX. Met Lauren, sisters&law, &cousin at Hilton. Got fancy. Ate food. Drank liquor. 

Danced (me, kinda). People watched (many lesbians /no homo). Crazy wasted cowboy. 

Lauren drunk. Back to Hilton. Sleep. Get up. Ate more food and the drive back to H-town felt like nothing.

Happy Labor Day, people. Enjoy your vay-cay!

Yawn

Rush hour blows. It took me about 45minutes-anhour to reach HWY 6 and another 30 minutes on top of that just to make it home. Not a cool place to be for half an hour. The lights take forever and there's a clusterfuck of intersections AT & AROUND that intersection.

Took a nap when I got home and now I'm awake. My eyes are dry and I always hate the way I feel when I wake up after naps in the evening. I used to act out and take my frustration out on my parents and shit. Yelling and bitching. I don't have the energy to be such a cunt anymore. True signs of maturity but MOSTLY signs of aging.

Going through a shit ton of magazines to find any picture or article relating to the brain. I have to make a scrap book for class. Kinda cool. =]

I feel like I never have anything relevant to say unless I'm depressed or upset. Thank goodness I'm not but I guess I could say there's always a constant worry I have. There's a few. Not any I'm willing to share to some unknown individual, sorry.

I do like someone, however. That's about all the news I've got. I think as a female... it's understood and expected... certain aspects of character we share. I like to consider myself pretty rational and my major problem just being over-analyzing things. But that's another thing I'm beginning to lose patience for... fuckin' lazy these days. Nothing is any easier. Being single ain't. Being a lesbian ain't. Putting on labels ain't. So that's my only reassurance. Excuse my negativity. But that's the shit you can always count on. Jus' sayin'.

On my way home I'll listen to either one of my CDs or 97.9/95.7 or 106.9/103.7. I used to hate rap and listen to ONLY 94.5. Now I can't stand listening to it. They play the same shit ALL the time. My own taste is bugging me. I used to search out music and now I rarely get really into anyone. Band infatuation is similar to people infatuation.