Last entry for 2010

Hi.

It's weird. I have nothing to do. I'm trying to get a job. School is done with for now and I don't have a great deal of motivation these days. I am applying to grad school.. as I type this and click between tabs. Sometimes it feels like life is moving too fast when I'm not doing anything. But when I'm doing something it feels like it moves so slow. Productivity is the key to a long fulfilling life. Something I realize when things are getting stagnant. I better cheer up before my vag ends up getting pierced next.

I am 23 now. There's really nothing to look forward to when it comes to aging anymore. It's all overrated anyway. Who wasn't smoking and drinking before they turned 18 and 21? Puh-leez.

I'm really excited to start up a few things I found out I enjoy. Like gardening. And once I get that money flow I wanna start buying more things to nurture the creativity I know I have. I want a new camera but at the same time I don't. They're really expensive. Hahahaha... and I kind of resent how advanced they are and how digital mediums are killing print. Makes me sad. I really love film and print... but I really dig the retro print look from pictures taken back in the '80s and past beyond.

I'd love this fabulous beast right here.. keep myself in the present. But I also want a Holga, which is ridiculously expensive and SADLY now overrated. I still want it.








Hmmm... I'm still in heart with someone. But not wholly. I'm too reasonable. I'm not sure I should wait either. I wouldn't mind on account of past mistakes I've made and how I feel like a different person when I'm dating. But yeah.. just gonna not bother. I need to work on myself. Love myself more. I wanna make out with someone SO bad. Kissing is my favorite part.

I'm still waiting on my new ride. I hate it. I hate thinking about it.

Anyways... should I be writing about something emo?
I miss my mom.
Trance music makes me feel spiritual.
I can't wait to grow.
Hope I don't die too soon.

Hello, 2011.

It's been a long time

Shouldn'ta left you without a dope beat to step to.

Slow morning. I'm so tired. And I've been so stressed. But it's the good kind of stress, you know, the unreasonable and unnecessary kind.

Today a jeep cut me off in traffic before he rear ended the car infront of him (it could be her) but anyways, I laughed. It was wunduhfuhll.


I'm sure I had something meaningful to talk about. But I don't.

Productivity

I need more.

I kinda want any job I can get at this moment.

I miss fat checks.

And having dough to spend.

I want new shoes.

New clothes.

Bullshit.

Entitlement & arrogance

Thaaanks, muhfukker, for stealing my parking space. Check out my UH parking permit, even if it doesn't mean shit outside of campus. Idiot.

Yes, girl in line at HEB. I AM better than you. I don't know where your clothes came from but I have a U of H shirt on. You're purchasing diapers and shit. I'm getting cookie dough.

I'm horrible.


People bug the crap out of me. I need to graduate already. Having all these kids around me is driving me insane. Always all up in my space. =(

I don't know what to do with my life.

--------------

I feel like I should blog about important things... so here goes.

Topic: [[Bullying]]

I take being LEFT ALONE for granted sometimes. I'm grateful to be left alone now that I'm older. Bullying, to me, seems like a right of passage. I don't like that it is and I definitely am against those who go to great lengths to make others feel horrible. But, honestly, who hasn't done it or been victim of it?

I'm glad people are speaking out against it and so much attention is being brought up, although it's due to 5 suicides. I'm sorry those kids did that to themselves. I wish someone was there for them. Lack of support is another thing to blame aside from the perpetrators.

And homophobia? Okay, I know everyone has met a gay person that they just didn't like. Just like meeting any OTHER oriented person and being sort of... not interested. But don't let that one or couple of gay people ruin your entire perspective. Idiot.

One thing... ONE thing that bothers me THE MOST about ANYONE and ANYTHING in regards to ANYTHING and EVERYTHING... is when a person cares too much about something that they DO NOT LIKE or that bothers them. STOP... FUCKING... CARING/WORRYING ABOUT IT. Don't make it your goddamn business. People have the freedom to do whatever they want (accordingly with the law, and I mean shit like stealing and vandalism) just like people have the freedom to disagree. Go about your business and you will feel better, promise.

Mad because 2 men have anal sex and suck each other off? What the fuck else are they gonna do? And what's wrong with anal sex? ;P (opening up another can of worms? SHAT THA FACK UP!)

Errbody, mind ya bidnis.

Quit driving people to kill themselves.

It's not society, it's not the media, it's not the parents... IT'S YOU.

Anyvayz... Back to the point.. bullying sucks but it happens. I hope these deaths bring awareness to bullies as to their extent of bullying. Obviously, it makes you feel better about yourself to pick on someone else so that people will laugh and you'll think you're funny and important. Atleast be real about it and let everyone get on with their lives. <--- I don't CONDONE bullying.. but get real, bitches. This shit happens.

And victims of bullying... I really hope you have friends that are down for you no matter what and do NOT forget about these people. Things get better. Time = opportunity. Don't cut yourself short. Who ever's picking on you has it coming to them. Karma's a bitch.

Jealousy

when its something you can't help

sucks.

Not excited...

About today AND tomorrow.


Came to school yesterday for a study group session for, I think, the first time ever in my life. I sat down with people in class whom I hardly if ever speak to for 6 hours just writing and reorganizing my notes, collaborating with them to get information I didn't have and provide them with the same. It was nice but I was the first one to leave... Haha, damn. Studying is serious business. I hope I do well.

That aside, today I need to answer 5 essay questions... well, atleast three of them but they all need to be 4 pages, double-spaced in length. I haven't even started but I have from 11:30am-2:30pm to do this and hopefully I can. I'm totally confident I can but SHEEEYIIIT, of course I don't WANT to do it.

On top of this, I think I got maybe... <2hrs of sleep? I'm already feeling it. I packed myself a banana to eat and 5 tablespoons worth of instant coffee (5 cups), sweet & low packets and a mug. I better be caffeine buzzing and awake, even if I'm starving. Hahaha. Sadface.

As for tomorrow, I was going to e-mail my psych professor some interview questions to get a little bit more background info on her for a biographical sketch that I need to write for my writing class. NATURALLY, I spent my weekend doing ABSOLUTELY nothing school related and if I did, by chance, do anything of the sort it was by ACCIDENT and/or OBLIGATION. Sooo... yeah, procrastination is the key to success. At least for me.

I listen to people talk about research labs they're in and recommendation letters they hope to get out of them.
I don't think grad school is in the cards for me because it's so late and I haven't even done any of that. I retract my former statement; procrastination is not a good idea.

Calling it a night?

Saw the Town. It was okay.

It always happens.
And its kind of annoying and a relief.
But whenever I talk to someone new to distract myself from someone old, that's when the old person blows up my phone.
I love/hate this.
But I always miss that old person.
Sorry new person.

Addict

It’s irritating when you notice the kind of people you remember from high school being in college.

This is my experience…

This somewhat.. perspiring… kid sits next to me in the library at a computer. Mumbles and says things to himself, audible to anyone around him, like something from a video game; like he’s a dying character. He has bangs that shoot forward out of his head, grouped in a manner which appears as though designed that way due to oil buildup. Fucking repulsive.

That’s all.

I really don’t notice many people in their pajamas either. Relief.

I’m still sick but I wish it’ll be over soon.

We learn in life that it’s NATURE to be close with others. Close to one in particular, you get married and have children. I’m not sure how to ree-uh-lize myself and how I feel. I know I care about people. I know I care more for certain people. And I know I care about one person at a particular time in a particular way, apart from everyone else. But does this mean anything? Except that I’d fuck this person? Lol.

There are people who I don’t care about hurting and those where I do and so I don’t fashion a situation where I would be responsible for harming them. Both of those, however, comprise the general population of those I care about. Fucked up no?

I think I am in love with someone when I know I don’t want that person to ever experience emotional (and, I guess, physical) pain, especially by me. I obligate myself (suppress my “selfish” desires) for the sake of their safety, which ultimately, is something I am concerned with. I strive for their permanent presence in my life because it is them who makes me happy. It’s not giving and expecting nothing in return. It’s giving and observing positive enhancements to that person. Feeling responsible for their growth and taking pride in them. You make them better to make yourself better. -- These are things I experience, so in other words... are happening and increasing my "awareness" (fingers in the air quotations) --

But all of this are just things I "know". Not anything I’ve sought out to prove are true just to make myself feel better or right. I may not know FOR SURE. But I’m confident in this belief. I’m hopeful for what I would like to happen but also content if it does not.

It’s a happy sadness/sad happiness but with NO emphasis of sadness/sad. But like a…. “oh, well!”

Fuckin' Onions

My eyes were BURNING earlier. Doesn't happen very often when I slice onions. I think my sinuses are getting fucked up. I hate when it happens. I got home at 4am this morning and the house smelled like smoke... that's, surely, what started it. I began sniffling a lot. *sigh* So now I'm making chicken soup.

Yesterday was pretty nice. Went to the Galleria to pay a bill and Jesse met me up there and we ate. Then we tried to fly my kite, but no wind. Went to the fountain, saw some homecoming whores.

Hung out with him and his cousin, trying to get into bars and we eventually ended up at Numbers.

My skin is getting super sensitive so I'm going to try to use lotion more often.
Got dizzy smoking hookah today.
Slept mucho.

Uhhhhh...


Texans won! Yay!
Cougars game this weekend!
I've been working out at the gym at school. I wish I would have sooner. It's NICE.

K, that's it.

Non-holy Matrimony

Eventful weekend, this past one. Rehearsal dinner for Lauren's wedding on Friday, the real deal on Saturday, and a trip to school on Sunday. The former 2 events being the most exciting. I'll be honest though, parties really are not my cup of tea no matter what the occasion. It wasn't about me, however. And although Lauren made me feel super guilty, I'm not sorry. =) Congratulations Lauren & Caleb! I didn't think I would cry but I did and neither of you saw. Kindofawaste but I promise they were legit tears of joy. No religion in the ceremony, and I respect that a great deal.

This week... I hope it goes by quickly. I have an assignment due tomorrow, 2 projects due Thursday, and just a whole bunch of more shit I would RATHER be doing that I will try to fit in so as to retain my sanity and sense of self.

Will visited me last night to print out notes for class. He commented on Fabio's obesity. He is no longer welcome at my house. =] JK.

Uhm.. he also said I should have a party. I'm thinking yes. Not sure when, not sure what but I'll think about it and letcha know.

Lauren's bachelorette party, ATX!

I got to drive Lauren's car to Austin. That may be one of my favorite parts of the trip. =] Spending time with her and the girls was numero uno, though. I'm really excited for Caleb & Lauren. Congrats guys! I always enjoy spending time with youz and I hope you both enjoyed your last weekend of technical 'single'-ness. Love ya. 

To sum up the trip... I drove Ford Freestyle with Lindsey riding shotgun to ATX. Met Lauren, sisters&law, &cousin at Hilton. Got fancy. Ate food. Drank liquor. 

Danced (me, kinda). People watched (many lesbians /no homo). Crazy wasted cowboy. 

Lauren drunk. Back to Hilton. Sleep. Get up. Ate more food and the drive back to H-town felt like nothing.

Happy Labor Day, people. Enjoy your vay-cay!

Yawn

Rush hour blows. It took me about 45minutes-anhour to reach HWY 6 and another 30 minutes on top of that just to make it home. Not a cool place to be for half an hour. The lights take forever and there's a clusterfuck of intersections AT & AROUND that intersection.

Took a nap when I got home and now I'm awake. My eyes are dry and I always hate the way I feel when I wake up after naps in the evening. I used to act out and take my frustration out on my parents and shit. Yelling and bitching. I don't have the energy to be such a cunt anymore. True signs of maturity but MOSTLY signs of aging.

Going through a shit ton of magazines to find any picture or article relating to the brain. I have to make a scrap book for class. Kinda cool. =]

I feel like I never have anything relevant to say unless I'm depressed or upset. Thank goodness I'm not but I guess I could say there's always a constant worry I have. There's a few. Not any I'm willing to share to some unknown individual, sorry.

I do like someone, however. That's about all the news I've got. I think as a female... it's understood and expected... certain aspects of character we share. I like to consider myself pretty rational and my major problem just being over-analyzing things. But that's another thing I'm beginning to lose patience for... fuckin' lazy these days. Nothing is any easier. Being single ain't. Being a lesbian ain't. Putting on labels ain't. So that's my only reassurance. Excuse my negativity. But that's the shit you can always count on. Jus' sayin'.

On my way home I'll listen to either one of my CDs or 97.9/95.7 or 106.9/103.7. I used to hate rap and listen to ONLY 94.5. Now I can't stand listening to it. They play the same shit ALL the time. My own taste is bugging me. I used to search out music and now I rarely get really into anyone. Band infatuation is similar to people infatuation.

UH employees and administration...

Are not helpful.
Universities just want your money.
Even if you're too smart for this class... you gotta take it in order to take the class you want.
Some bullshit.

I love squirrels.
I miss my Haji.
The academic advisor in the communication department of UH's last name is Haji.
She's also useless.
;D

I want this...

or

Or something nice. Haha.

Sometimes I think about what I'd write in here but I forget now.

My schedules changed..

Monday & Wednesday -

Writing for Print & Digital Media 9AM-1130AM

Propaganda and Mass Media 230PM-530PM (Monday only)

Tuesday & Thursday -

Photojournalism 830AM-10AM

Feature Writing for Print 10AM-1130AM

Brain and Behavior 230PM-4PM

It's all finalized, I believe.

Making an effort...

So, it's a new semester. It's hot as hell. People suck at driving and I remember why I hate going to school each day... the commute.

Saw a few sweaty asses on campus and cringed a little as I watched one take a seat in a desk a few rows up. I'm constantly reminded how disgusting schools are. I'll situate myself in a stall and hover myself over the toilet to avoid sitting on someone else's urine and while doing so, listen as I hear someone leave the restroom without washing her hands. Females... you disgust me. It's no wonder everyone gets sick within the first few weeks of school.

It's so crowded on campus, too. Seriously, people. Quit kidding yourselves and either graduate already or drop out. You're in my way, taking up parking, and filling classes up to maximum capacity. GTFO.

Ahhh... now that I'm done bitching... I'll be graduating this fall if everything goes to plan. Still undecided on what to do, aside from seeking somekind of employment, all signs point to grad school. ;D Pretty exciting.

I've come to the sad realization that my friends are falling behind. I really wish it weren't the case because I'd love the company. Come on guys! I'm waiting for you! NOT. I mean, I would LOVE to.. but I gotta get real. The quicker shit gets done, the sooner I'll be set for life and I gotta look out for MY star player, nawmsayin?

----

Lauren's wedding is approaching fast! I am truly happy for her. I think her & Caleb are a good match. She works hard and has put up with so much shit. Not just mine, for which I'll apologize every time it's brought up.

It's funny... when I think of my relationships with friends it varies by levels. Oddly enough Lauren and Will are on the same level.. The only way I can describe it is that I just LIVE around them. Like it ain't nothin'. =] Real friends make it that easy.

----

My rabbit is so cute.

----

My EHschedule...

Mondays & Wednesdays - 

9AM-11:30AM Print and Digital Media

Tuesdays & Thursdays - 

8:30AM-10AM Photojournalism

10AM-11:30AM Feature Writing for

11:30AM-1PM Investigative Reporting

2:30PM-4PM Brain & Behavior