2013 has been a pretty fucking dope ass year.
In July my love and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary. This is a big thing for me since none of my previous relationships made it passed the 6 month mark. He drives me absolutely mad with rage at times and I piss him off and get called a "cunt" on a semi-regular basis. I'm very aware of my quickness to bitch mode and I've noticed lately that I instigate arguments when he does something I don't like. In a way it all works out for the betterment of our relationship, I think. I mean, I wouldn't say its unhealthy. But either way, the good always outweighs the bad times.
He bought me my first dSLR camera and I'm super excited to use it.
Let's see... I feel much closer to my friends as of late. Close enough to want to get as far away as possible, ha. I think I like to keep everyone at a comfortable distance. I don't need to spend as much time as I possibly can with them to know that they will be there for me when I need them, you know? I love privacy and secrets no one knows.
Work is frustrating but it's steady. I've made some mistakes that made me feel a little low and that my job performance was lacking but I'm trying to pick back up. My tolerance for people hasn't changed much and having to rely on people I work with doesn't help that at all. Like... I'm supposed to take direction from you - will you please make up your fucking mind? Because telling me to do something, then telling me to cancel that something, then re-do, then cancel.. does nothing but make me look like a retard. I only hope that what I do is a reflection of the person I am working on behalf of. You dick. I hate looking stupid. You're stupid! Because you need someone else to do your fucking work!
12/22 will be my 26th birthday. I hate getting old. I'm realizing how much I took my childhood for granted and how little fun I had when I was a teenager. My priorities have certainly changed and I wish I could have had the hindsight I do now to understand that the things I worried about so much back then don't even fucking matter. I blame my peers and myself. Everyone tried so hard in high school to be better than others - socially, physically, intellectually - but tell me, what did you achieve? I can't say I achieved much but I didn't excel back then either or even try that hard. My self-esteem was a major hindrance to my personal growth back then. I'm grateful now for the wisdom I've gained through my independence. Blah, blah, blah.
I'm not religious but I certainly consider myself to be spiritual. To me, God is the goodness we experience in the world. God is something you can't define. That's divinity.
I feel blessed with goodness.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Hanukkah.
Joyous Kwanza.
Happy Holidays.
